I Will Not Weep

The last two days, I have watched most of the people around me cry, or sit there with a haunted look on their face.

America (I can't really bring myself to call us the United States right now), elected Donald Trump to be our 45th President.

Discussions with my friends and family prior to election day usually had me declaring that I would leave. I have looked for positions in other countries many a time, should this become a reality.

But Tuesday night, as the reporting numbers rolled up and the Electoral College fucked my country over, I knew. I knew that I would stand strong, proud, against whatever racist, homophobic, misogynist bullshit came from this administration.

I have not cried. Nor will I.

Trump will be my next POTUS. It may be due to a system that I don't agree with, but that's the reality I woke up to yesterday.

But, what gives me hope and strength for the days to come, is that that system has grossly failed the American people. Trump did not receive the most votes. Clinton did.

This has been a rough 48 hours, but I am prepared to meet this head-on. I am prepared to stand with whoever of my fellow Americans feels scared or persecuted- anyone who is persecuted. I'm going to be here to make the difference.

I'm sorry to America and the rest of the world if this goes poorly. But I'm trying to remain hopeful, because I know I am not alone in this...and we're going to make sure we all make it through this with as little damage as possible.

How to Completely Miss the Point

For those of you who are unaware, in September there is a special week known as Banned Books Week. Working at a library, this week is kind of a fun time for us to show how edgy we are by showing off our anti-censorship viewpoint.

This year, we held a "Banned Book Slam," where several speakers chose their favorite banned or challenged book, and read a three minute excerpt from them. I selected Slaughterhouse-Five, which is an excellent book by Kurt Vonnegut that makes me feel many a feel.

I read a little under two pages for my presentation, and I want to give a little background for anyone unfamiliar with the novel. Slaughterhouse-Five (or, The Children's Crusades), was inspired by Vonnegut's experiences (and feelings) surrounding the bombing of Dresden during WWII. It has been challenged and banned for many reasons, including: irreverent tone, obscenity, depictions of sex, and swearing.

The scene I selected was one of the ones that really emphasized the irreverent tone, because the overall message of this scene is one that plagues my mind often right now. I am in a nation that is not meant to have such division, and is certainly not meant to seem as if it exalts one religion over any other (our pledge of allegiance aside- I personally feel like that could and should be updated).

And so, in the fifth chapter of the novel, we have the main character (Billy Pilgrim), listening to a summary of a book being read by another character:

"Rosewater was on the next bed, reading, and Billy drew him into the conversation, asked him what he was reading this time.

So Rosewater told him. It was The Gospel from Outer Space, by Kilgore Trout. It was about a visitor from outer space, shaped very much like a Tralfamadorian, by the way. The visitor from outer space made serious study of Christianity, to learn, if he could, why Christians found it so easy to be cruel. He concluded that at least part of the trouble was slipshod storytelling in the New Testament. He supposed that the intent of the Gospels was to teach people, among other things, to be merciful, even to the lowest of the low.

But, the Gospels actually taught this:

Before you kill somebody, make absolutely sure he isn't well connected. So it goes.

The flaw in the Christ stories, said the visitor from outer space, was that Christ, who didn't look like much, was actually the Son of the Most Powerful Being in the Universe. Readers understood that, so, when they came to the crucifixion, they naturally thought, and Rosewater read out loud again:

Oh, boy- they sure picked the wrong guy to lynch that time!

And that thought had a brother: 'There are right people to lynch.' Who? People not well connected. So it goes.

The visitor from outer space made a gift to Earth of a new Gospel. In it, Jesus really was a nobody, and a pain in the neck to a lot of people with better connections than he had. He still got to say all the lovely and puzzling things he said in the other Gospels.

So the people amused themselves one day by nailing him to a cross and planting the cross in the ground. There couldn't possibly be any repercussions, the lynchers thought. The reader would have to think that, too, since the new Gospel hammered home again and again what a nobody Jesus was.

And then, just before the nobody died, the heavens opened up, and there was thunder and lightning. The voice of God came crashing down. He told the people that he was adopting the bum as his son, giving him the full powers and privileges of The Son of the Creator of the Universe throughout all eternity. God said this: From this moment on, He will punish horribly anybody who torments a bum who has no connection!"

Wow, I admit, that is fairly scathing, isn't it? Of course "Not all Christians" but..."Why any Christians?" Why anyone following any religion?

Which brings me to the reason that I am writing about this at all! When I came back to my desk after making myself a PB&J, I found a piece of paper on my desk...referencing what I read and containing two passages from the Bible.

I sort of blinked at it, picked it up, blinked some more, and turned to my coworker and said "I think I just got saved."

I showed it to a few of my coworkers, knowing how inappropriate an action it was, but finding it funny. I am a Christian, I have my own feelings about the institution of the Church versus the message of my religion. I am not offended that someone tried to inform me.

But some people might be.

And so, after reflecting most of the evening on this, I made a decision to speak to the director of the library.

I've also reached a point where I'm a bit offended, not because they tried to preach to me in an incredibly passive-aggressive way, but because they clearly missed the intention of our event, and the meaning behind the words that they didn't like. And, in doing so, just proved the text that much more valid an opinion.

People can be awesome to each other- regardless of creed. But people can also be horrible, and this person felt they were better connected than I was, and thus, the Christian found it easy to be cruel.

What if I was someone who has been mentally and emotionally abused by their church community like one of my dearest friends was? What if I was someone who had been sexually abused by a church leader like another of my friends? What if I was someone who just had zero interest in Christianity? What if I was someone who had zero interest in any religion?

I don't know what is going on in this person's life, and I fully admit that what I said could be offensive- that was the point of our event. We had a disclaimer, because some of these readings had graphic content, terrible socially unacceptable words, and could very much have hurt someone recovering from trauma. I stated prior to reading that mine was "irreverent" and I picked it specifically because I feel it has an important message.

This person has every right to be offended. But I am incredibly confused how someone could dislike the words, and then live up to the message.

Who I Fight For

Over the years I've had many crises of faith. My earliest occurred when I was about 12, learning about evolution and trying to reconcile scientific facts with religious myth. I cried to my mother that I wanted to have faith but sometimes science was so convincing!

It was then I learned that, being Catholic, there's nothing wrong with evolution in the eyes of the church (Thanks Pope Pius XII!).

Since then, I've decided to follow my own moral grounds regarding what my faith is. I identify as Roman Catholic; I keep up to date on my church news and the various changes they've made to mass, I know the name of the Pope, and still pray every night.

However, there are a few things that I really have qualms about- two very popular hot button topics nowadays: Gay marriage (and homosexuality in general) and abortion. Pope Francis is doing some good PR work regarding the former, but the latter is still causing great debate.

I've written about both in the past. With 40 Days for Life currently underway, and a very important vote for North Dakota in a little less than a month, I really want to explain something.

For years I have considered volunteering at the Red River Women's Clinic- the only one of its kind in North Dakota. I have never done so, fearful of what anyone I know would think of me for doing so. I was incredibly involved in my church throughout high school and was afraid someone who once thought I was faithful enough to be a nun would suddenly see me as a godless heathen. My faith has always been important to me and something I turn to for counsel.

Last month I made a decision that I needed to get over it, and actually follow through and escort. I am not "pro-abortion." I am pro-choice. Because that's what I'm fighting for when I stand outside that clinic. I'm not saying that what protesters say isn't true. The signs that read men and women regret abortions- probably very true in some cases. But that doesn't mean that they shouldn't have had one. I will never know their story, nor should anyone try to assume they do.

Over the last couple weeks, I have been so incredibly sad to see so many Christians harass women on what is likely one of the most difficult- and honestly terrible- days in their life. I have been equally sad to hear pro-choice advocates throw out the words "hate" and "despicable" regarding protesters. Because it shouldn't be about hate, it's about love and support.

Today there were no protesters- it being an unusual clinic day here in Fargo. The escorts spread out due to the lack of need to protect the entryway of the clinic; because of this I had some time to reflect on why I was there.

I found myself really thinking about what had made me so active in my faith during high school- mostly worship music. There had  been a large movement at the time to modernize songs and I had many that I enjoyed. One song in particular came to mind today: "Cry the Gospel"

I find it entirely fitting that this be the song I write about today because it so effortlessly summarizes why protesters stand there. They are there as witnesses of their faith:

"Standing at the gateway of our faith,
on the rock of Peter and the saints,
with the Holy Spirit showing us the way
to be holy, and cry the gospel,
cry the gospel with your life!"

It was always emphasized that people should be able to know from my actions that I am a Catholic. And, often, I feel that's a fine way to live life. However, one of my fabulous high school teachers said something that has always influenced the way I act: Your right to swing your fist ends at your neighbor's nose.

The thing is, your right to freedom of religion ends when you try to take that away from your neighbor. 

Protesters are (the overwhelming majority of the time) not there to be violent- though arguably intimidation scare-tactics could be seen as extremely threatening. They are there because their faith is shown in all aspects of their lives and they misguidedly believe that their right and wrong should be everyone's right and wrong. 

I choose to show my faith a different way. I show that love and support that I was taught through church- and I show it to the people who need it most. The people that are currently going through trials and need to see that they are not alone or hated. 

North Dakota is voting on Measure 1 November 4th. Fight for women, and for the lives of those women. Protect their rights and their interests. 

Vote no. Because no matter what flowery or scalding words either side says, defining life as beginning at conception is taking away freedoms of women based on religion. 

And, if you're the type, pray for them. Pray for the women that need support and love. They may not want or need your prayers, so be respectful and keep it at home (and in your heart). 

And pray for the protesters that they can find clarity on this subject. Because they know not what they do, and they've no right to cast any stones. 

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord- and I'll see you next Wednesday wearing my escort vest. 

My Government

I had been hoping, in vain it seems, that the desire to post my opinions on the current government of the United States would go away- driven off by Congress getting over themselves in order to keep the country functioning.

It's with great disgust that I continue to read about the federal government being shut down for 15 days with little to no improvement to the situation. Halfway through this second week, I find myself ranting to various people about the various flaws in the logic behind this shutdown.

They had an entire *year* to discuss this matter. Last year- when threatened with a shutdown- a temporary spending bill was passed. The country has been operating for an entire year with no official budget because of this same issue- the Affordable Healthcare Act. 365 days have gone by and the GOP thought to try and bury the issue inside something else.

The worst part is that the majority of their constituents don't even know what is going on- they don't even know what the Affordable Healthcare Act will do. All they know is that it supposedly threatens their Constitutional rights.

Somehow, having the ability to *have* healthcare, to *choose* which doctor one sees; having the ability to protect ones children from preventable diseases is an invasion of our constitutional rights. No, Congress, what you are afraid of is having a country where people are healthy enough, educated enough, to threaten your positions of power.

It has recently come to light that House Republicans have rigged it so that only the majority leader or their representative will have the ability to reopen the government. It has come to the point where they are holding our nation hostage because they're not getting their way.

A week into this shutdown, an acquaintance of mine made a bold statement that he would never have known the government was shut down if someone hadn't told him- his life hasn't been affected at all. I simply told him he disgusted me and made him watch the Colbert Report.

This attitude of ignorance is not something one should be proud of. It is insulting to our right to a vote, and to our ability to call ourselves citizens of a nation. But then, I'm not sure how many of us want to be part of a nation where our elected leaders are so childish and short-sighted that they would allow such uncertainty to loom over their country- something they are there to protect and help flourish- for over two weeks.

They have cost us $5 billion over the course of this shut down- and in that time have continued to be paid their share of their annual $174,000 salary- for not doing their jobs. In the mean time, they have also deprived 800,000 of the ability to do their jobs- with no promise of being paid for those times- and that number will soon reach close to 1,000,000 as the federal court systems are preparing to shut their doors if no agreement is made by Thursday.

Coincidentally, our debt ceiling will be reached October 17th. We may not be able to pay what we owe other countries. We owe approximately $17 trillion. With a T. Granted, we also manage to produce over $15 trillion per year- but that's still a different of $2 trillion that we have no ability to pay currently.

I hate finances and dealing with a budget- I can hardly imagine dealing with that on a scale of trillions of dollars. But you know what? That's their job and they are not doing it. I can only hope that other Americans are feeling upset about these happenings so pressure can be made to prevent this from happening in the future. 

Rape Culture

Sex. The word draws an interesting reaction from most Americans. Despite the fact that the overwhelming majority of adults and adolescents are sexually active, we live in a society where saying the word "sex" shocks and appalls those nearby. It is a taboo subject, and the general population impresses an overwhelming sense of shame to those who are open about their sexual proclivities.

These negative feelings, and the unwillingness to discuss the topic, has spawned a few wholly unacceptable sentiments. Particularly towards victims of rape.

The topic of rape is uncomfortable for everything, it garners a similar response to saying "sex" in public, but now with more heated responses. Over the last two years, several states have approached the subject of rape as pertaining to abortion. I found myself disgusted as a litany of insensitive, uneducated statements were made by elected officials.

"Legitimate rape." 

With those two words I lost faith in my legislative system. That anything so ignorant could be said and not immediately dismissed sent my blood boiling.

As a woman, I am not unbiased in my opinions- nor do I believe anyone should be when discussing this topic. Each and every person knows men and women- and they should be defending the people they know. We should not be chastising someone who has gone through this experience. We should be reprimanding and educating anyone claiming "they were asking for it."

But that's not what America is doing. No, America is teaching little girls that they need to cover everything up, because wearing what we should be free to wear may send the boys into a frenzy. And America is giving the boys the freedom to do so with little to no consequences. Many methods of sexual education in public schools have a "no means no" section in their curriculum- but this is rendered ineffective by politicians placing blame on the woman.

This is insulting to men and women alike. This is taking away women's rights to be free and safe, and it is assuming that men are animals driven by their basest urges. Similarly, it is effectively discrediting any claims male victims of rape have.

Read this comic.

This comic sums up how disgusting America is with regards to females and their right to display their body as they so choose. As a female, and not a particularly attractive one, I admit that it is sometimes nice to have someone appreciate a physical aspect of me. What is not nice is to be blatantly groped in public simply because I was there.

Of course, this comic also shows the other side- why females should be *humbled* by the fact that a man would deign to recognize a female as a good potential mate. This is not a comic about rape, but of the ideas that allow rape culture to flourish.

Elizabeth Smart recently spoke out about rape culture in America at Johns Hopkins University. Having been abducted, held hostage, and raped repeatedly, she is now speaking out against many cultural, religious, and teaching models. She felt shame after going through this traumatic experience; she felt judged when she should only have been comforted by being home and surrounded by her family.

Smart is primarily advocating against the "abstinence-only" model. In theory, this method is intended as a scare tactic to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. However, in reality this method also encourages the belief that one is worthless if they participate in fornication.

Everyone goes through a time when they should be able to go to an adult and ask them questions about sex. They should have the expectation that the adult will be able to direct them towards factual, unbiased answers. Continuing to deprive them of this will only continue this cycle and create more victims.

It is estimated that more than half of the rapes that occur per year go unreported because the men and women feel so much shame and judgment from their peers. Sexual ignorance leads to this rate being higher, teen pregnancy rates increasing, abortion rates follow suit.

When A Good Man Goes to War

"Demons run when a good man goes to war
Night will fall and drown the sun
When a good man goes to war
Friendship dies and true love lies
Night will fall and the dark will rise
When a good man goes to war
Demons run, but count the cost
The battle's won, but the child is lost." (Doctor Who)

Despite having many opinions on things, there are several topics that I rarely want to take a stand on. War is one of them- who am I to tell other people that their taxes should go towards something they may be morally against? Who am I to tell other people that I believe their children should put their lives in danger? 

I have two cousins in the United State Navy. One of whom is currently deployed and will most certainly end up in Syria should we declare war, and I'm positive the other would be there in a heartbeat. Both of whom have become fathers for the first time this year. 

And yet...even knowing all that and keeping it in my heart and in my mind daily, I find myself ready to make a statement:

The United States should go into Syria. 

Honestly, this is the best excuse we have had to go to war since the American Revolution. Nearly every war in our history has been entered into for resources or because some country "made it personal."

We should have entered into World War II sooner. We knew people were dying in horrific ways and we knew the potential for it expanding. Still, in an attempt to not abuse the power of the United States, there was no action, no support, until Pearl Harbor- and the Japanese cutting off one of our oil supplies. 

Today, we still have power and the ability to intimidate with our military. But we also have the opportunity to prevent a catastrophic event. 

Chemical warfare has always been the "no-no." It cannot be ignored, and we should not ignore it. 

This isn't like the supposed weapons of mass destruction that was used as an excuse to go into Afghanistan. This is real people dying in a way that can barely be controlled. There is far too much room for error, and far too many people who would abuse chemical warfare being ignored.

This is where war changes, forever. If there is no retaliation this will escalate. There is no way to prevent a third World War- but I do not believe this will be the cause. I believe this will deter it and save millions of civilian lives.

The Problem with Sustainability

As I walked through my grocery store the other night- desperately searching for peaches- it occurred to me what a terrible environmental studies major I am.

Living in the United States creates an inherent entitlement that is, honestly, hard to even identify within ourselves. There’s so little we don’t have accessible to us at all times that it barely registers when we’re abusing the planet for something.

Peaches are a good two-three months away from being “in season” where I live. But the recipe I was making requires peaches, so I drove to two grocery stores to find them. Eventually, I did find them, and I purchased them, cooked them, and ate them. But as I stood there in the checkout line, I was a little horrified with myself.

This meal probably had more miles behind it than my roommate’s recently purchased used car.

When I was younger, one of my best friends told me something that has stuck with me since that day, and has driven my entire philosophy towards environmentalism: “It’s fine if you recycle, but there’s a reason that ‘Reduce’ and ‘Reuse’ are listed first.”

Reduce. Reuse. Recycle.

I had been taught since I was eight, and had always been proud that I would consistently recycle- even after those big parties where we could fill two garbage bags with the pop cans and bottles. But never, not once, had anyone really explained the significance.

Being from the Midwest, I’m guilty of living in a house that is, most likely, not properly insulated for the region- we value the house being “normal” looking and will pump thousands of extra kilowatts into keeping it warm to preserve the aesthetics. Being from Minnesota, I grew up traveling in the car each and every day going down to the lake and back during the summer, and to near every city for hockey during the winter.

I am not the environment’s friend, and that is the exact problem with sustainability.

Sustainability requires a shift in thought- a cultural movement.  

Aldo Leopold is often cited as the first conservationist; his writings were inspirational to many for their conscientiousness of a “land ethic” and their nostalgic representation of wildlife. Leopold’s primary message was that humanity must recognize that they need the land, and, in doing so, must move forward with a lifestyle that protects their way of life and the land. What he wanted most was for humans and nature to have a symbiotic relationship that would last for generations.

Thoreau preached this as well through his retreat into the wilderness, and President Theodore Roosevelt felt a similar need to protect nature- using his power to advance the establishment of national parks. This concept had persisted through the generations; but society at large has often ignored this innate sense of obligation to the land for the commercial gains. Even John Locke once wrote that we can only use this planet so to “leave ‘enough, and as good.’”

It is important that we no longer ignore that we have an obligation to future generations. Already we have to explain that Pluto is no longer considered a planet, do we really have to explain why Earth is no longer inhabitable? We are nearly beyond the “Tragedy of the Commons,” there are hardly any commons left for us to destroy. It is even more tragic considering we know about these principles, know about the science that rules the world we live in, and blatantly ignore them. And, in doing so, we have permanently altered our planet.

Particularly here in the United States, we do not acknowledge that we are adding to the climate problems around the world. Our history has been to take, and ask questions later. Let other people deal with the mistakes caused by short-sighted actions. This country has used many fossil fuels throughout its history; trees, coal, gold, and oil have led to degradation of these lands. When we began to use more of these resources than we were capable of producing, we found other sources rather than reevaluating our energy needs.

Today, two of the most tragic decisions Americans have made are in Alaska and North Dakota. For the sake of oil, and merely postponing our inevitable need to find an alternative fuel source for cars, boats, and planes, we have deciding to destroy the environment. It is a process that is truly harmful, to humans and the natural habitat that is being disturbed.

No matter how hard these operations attempt to leave no trace, there is always an environmental impact. In North Dakota, they use hydraulic fracking to extract oil. They blast thousands of gallons of water- with nearly a thousand chemicals in it- into the ground to break the rock. This water is then dumped into giant craters.

Water is an incredibly dangerous ways to extract oil and natural gas; it can be absorbed into the ground, and taint the groundwater. Not only the water, and all the potentially dangerous chemicals, but the same fuels they are freeing can leak into this most vital of all resources. There are videos of people lighting their tap water on fire.

This not being common knowledge is a severe problem. If people only see the benefits, but none of the consequences, these harmful practices will just continue on.

As mentioned earlier, the difficult part with any actions towards sustainability is the culture shift behind it. In truth, it practically calls for an overhaul in American culture. It calls for us to change the fact that we think in the short-term, and in a capitalistic manner. Capitalism and access to resources is what built this country; and, historically, we have abused this.

If I was writing this in an English class, I guarantee my instructor would be upset with my use of the word “we” throughout all of this. One of my history teachers would as well, saying that “’we’ didn’t sign the Declaration of Independence, the Founding Fathers did.’” I would probably apologize to them because I respect what they do; however, I must admit that I use “we” with a very specific purpose- the people currently living on Earth are just as indictable for the actions their ancestors made against the planet.

The issue is that we rarely see it as “our” problem. We sit here, in a country where most of it is uninhabitable, but living here because we have found ways to control the climate within our houses. This is the most discouraging part for environmentalists. That and bottled water.

I think Reduce, Reuse, Recycle needs to be…recycled. Re-purposing this well-known phrase could, in fact, help reshape the way humans live. But, Reduce and Reuse need to be emphasized, Recycle needs to be taught as the “backup plan.” We need to stop pretending this is a problem for later generations, and we need to take responsibility for those who came before us. They may not have known better, but we certainly do.

We recently reached a frightening level of sustained CO2 levels- 400 ppm (parts per million) in certain regions of the world. This is a scary time, for those who know what this means they hear “point of no return,” and those who have never heard the phrase before hears “oh good, more ‘global warming’ nonsense.”

This needs to change if we have any hope of riding this wave. The government and corporations will do nothing as long as there is no outcry from the people that support them. People need education on ways to change their standard of living, because there is only one Earth…and we are nearing a point where it can no longer be saved. The planet cannot afford for us to mock or demean those attempting to educate the masses on our obligations to the rest of humanity.

It will already take longer than current generations will live to reverse this damage- but that cannot be the message we take away from it. The message everyone needs to hear is that, with enough time and effort, it can be reversed. Complacency will not do for this mission- it will only kill our planet, and our progeny, faster.